


Video footage.

by existingdesire



Category: Ultimate Spider-Man (Cartoon)
Genre: Depression, Drabble, Short, Spideynova - Freeform, Team, hopeless
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-03 06:16:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4090132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/existingdesire/pseuds/existingdesire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sam snoops on the shield computer he comes across some very interesting videos of Peter... Not all are pleasant. These videos leave the team confused and unsure of what to do, And how to save Peter's life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Viral video

"Um guys? I think you should look at this... It's kinda important." Sam said nervously.  
"Yeah, right Sam. Your idea of important is a stupid photo of Peter or the new episode of your favourite show.." Ava replied fairly cocky.  
"No guys... I'm being serious."  
Luke chimed in next. "Wow, guys guess what, Sam is being serious, that's a first."  
Danny chuckled at Luke's comment, typically unlike the pacifist. "URG!! GUYS! Just come here!" Sam yelled clearly frustrated.  
"Fine!" Everyone said in unison.  
Ava put down her book, Luke drop the weights and Danny got off the floor from meditation. Then they all walked over expecting another stupid video.  
"Okay well..." Sam started. "I was going through Parker's surveillance cameras.. Again and-"  
"Sam! You aren't supposed to do that..." Ava stated. Crossing her arms over her chest.  
"Yeah, yeah personal privacy blah blah blah." A purely annoyed bucket head said. . Ava is always the one to scold us, she's basically a mini version of Fury.  
"Okay can we just get on with it? And Sam this better not be another video of Peter wearing a dress or singing in his underwear again." Luke said.  
"Thanks to the RUDE interruption, I've lost my train of thought. So just watch the video..." An annoyed Sam stated.  
Sam looked nervous as the others gathered around the computer screen. Sam was hesitant to press play, but after some stalling he did. The video started off like any other.  
It shows Spiderman sneak through his window, clearly Peter had just been in a fight, costume ripped, blood visible and various cuts over his body. Peter was clearly frustrated he punched a wall multiple times as hard as he could. Typically unlike him. He even left a few holes in the wall, next to some older ones. Peter then sunk down, knees to chest, and started to cry. He was mumbling something but the team couldn't figure it out. He sat like there for hours, Sam skipped ahead to 3AM. There sat a lifeless looking peter, no sleep, and his hand must be bothering him. He gets and walks out if frame to get something... When he gets back everyone's jaw drops.. A nice shiney blade, covered in blood. God knows what he's going to do with it..  
"Okay.. And that's where we stop the video." Sam said desperately trying to change the subject. He stopped the video, knowing what comes next.. Sam would never tell anyone this but, he had watched the rest of the video. And it was pretty bad... He had even found other clips and videos but eventually he had to stop, it was making him sick to his stomac.  
Everyone was speechless to say the least and just on cue... Peter enters. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Sam thought...


	2. A Broken Peter

Sam's POV  
Everyone froze when Peter walked in. I swear my heart stopped beating for a few seconds. We must've looked really suspicious all huddled around a computer and just starring at him like we saw a ghost. You could tell he was confused.   
"Umm.. Guys? We have training now.. So.." Peter said still not knowing what's going on.   
"Yeah umm.. we will uh, be there in a minute.." I said immediately regretting being so awkward. Peter shrugged his shoulders and left, heading off to training.   
"Guys.. That was way too close." Ava chimed in relieved. "What are we going to do.."   
"I'll talk to him" the pacifist added. "Don't force him to tell us, it could make things worse. Patience-"   
"Patience is a virtue.. We know!!" The team cut him of annoyed. Danny does have a point Sam thought. Maybe he'll tell us? I highly doubt it.   
The team realized training started in one minute and bolted out of the room, faster than light. No body, and I mean no body wants to do an extra 20 minutes of training. Not even Ava.   
Thank god, we made it. Sam thought gasping for air. Flying is easier. During training I kept starring at Peter. Well his hand in particular, every time he would punch something or shot his webbing he cringed. Like he was in immense pain. It took me a while but I finally realized it hurt because he punched the wall last night. Is it broken?   
By the end of training Peter was nearly in tears I'm guessing it was because of his hand. I was going to ask if he was alright but just lied straight to my face.   
"Oh yeah I'm fine Sam, just slammed my hand in a door last night."   
I Didn't confront him because then he would know I watch the surveillance footage and I don't want to cause any more drama.   
"Let medical look at it Pete?" I asked, I never call him Pete unless it's serious. Normally I use "web head".   
Peter looked down starring at his feet and said he would go to medical. I didn't believe a word he said. Why is he acting like this? He's normally the lie-free leader, role model. Why all the lies? He must really be broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So are you guys enjoying thins? Comment and give me feed back! Love you long time!


	3. Strange Day

Peter's POV:

Today has been really strange and school hasn't even started yet. My team has just been starring at me like I'm a freak. Am I? They were basically avoiding me, as if they were scared..? I walked into the conference room and they were crowded around a computer, they all looked petrified. Except for Danny. Sam even looked like he was going to be sick. Then after training Sam just kept asking about my hand. Question after question. He should've been a game show host by the amount of questions he was asking. 

Yes, I lied to him and I hate lying. Well, I've gotten used to it. All the fake smiles, all the "I'm fine's", pretending everything is okay. It gets easier over time, but not easy enough. 

Luke derailed my train of Thought by throwing me my bag. "Yo, Spidey school starts in an hour" I cringed as the bag made contact with my hand. 

"Hey man, you okay?" Luke said apologetic. "Sorry man I just don't know my own strength sometimes. He chuckled. 

"It's cool Luke, my hand is good just caught me off guard" I replied. Yet another lie. 

My team was ready for school, damn that was fast. As they were leaving they kept looking back at me, starring, whispering. I pretended not to notice. Maybe I am just a freak. I'm not in the mood for school. I just need some air, and time to think. 

Next thing I know I'm swinging through New York, my nostrils filed with the scent of hot dogs. I found a building with a good view and just started to think.


	4. Scars

I knew Peter wasn't going to school, he just had that look on his face. A mix of confusion, hurt and anger. He needed to think. Probably about why the team was acting so weird today. I can't believe Sam found those videos. I thought I deleted them all.. Unless.. They aren't old videos.. I typically don't swear but, shit. 

I told the team I forgot my history paper as an excuse to go find Peter. I ran back to my room and put on my iron fist suit. After hopping along on a few rooftops I finally found him. His feet were over the edge and he was admiring the view. 

"Danny.. Why am I such a freak." Peter said not even turning his head in my direction. 

"Spidey sense huh?" I smirked "but, You aren't Pete. come with me though I want to bandage your hand. Okay?" I asked 

Peter said ever do quietly "thanks.."

We leaped from rooftop to rooftop in silence until we reached our destination. Boarding the Helicarrier without Fury knowing would be hard but if we got caught that would be even worse. He has eyes everywhere. Even in Peter's room.. I pushed that thought aside, Luckily one night Sam discovered this old airlock with no cameras. It took longer but it got us in quietly and without Fury knowing. 

After about 15 minutes of sneaking around we finally got to my room. My room was plain, a yoga mat, a bed, some stuff from k'un l'un that's it. I tell Peter to sit on the bed as I grab the bandages. 

I grabbed his hand every so carefully not wanting to hurt him More. I roll up his sleeve and I saw his face turn white as a ghost. Peter closed his eyes to shield himself from my reaction. My face didn't change, yes I'm disappointed.. He promised he stopped. But above all seeing those scars made me want to cry. He didn't deserve this. His hand was pretty bad too, honestly I think he fractured it. But I bandaged it anyways. 

Even if he knew is was broke. He wouldn't stop training or fighting. He thinks he needs to keep training to be the best, to make sure no one will get hurt, and it means a lot to him it even puts a smile on his even if it is fake.


	5. I needed to feel something.

Danny has always kinda knew.. About all of this. Maybe it's because he's amazing at reading people, but whatever it is.. I'm kinda glad. Danny is one of the few people I actually trust. He's easy to talk to, and I don't know.. God I sound pathetic. 

Danny surprised me on the rooftop, he told me he wanted to bandage my hand. So after what felt like hours of sneaking around we finally get to his room. If Fury ever caught me I would be dead. I'm supposed to be the leader of this team but I just keep failing. They'd be better off without me. Fight, after fight I let someone get hurt. I deserve this, what happened to my hand I mean. It doesn't matter, I could be an avenger and still let everyone down. I deserve all of this pain. 

Danny came back with a roll of bandages. He began wrapping and holy shit, My hand hurts like hell. My thumb and index finger are all bruised up showing blue, purple and greenish colours. Other parts of my hand look similar. My hand is throbbing, and looks almost twice as big as the other one. No matter what the outcome, I can't stop training. I have- no I need to be better, so I can stop letting everyone down. No matter how much pain it causes. Why can't I just face it. I will never be good enough. 

Danny begun to roll up my sleeve of my Spiderman costume. My heart stopped. I couldn't look Danny in the eyes. I'm too ashamed and.. Scared. "The friendly neighbourhood spiderman" is scared. I promised him I would stop. I did, but It's easier to begin than quit. 

I started crying. Tears streamed down my face. All I managed to say was "D-Danny.. I'm sorry.. I just.. I just needed to feel something. My scars were fading and.. I felt lost without them...." 

Danny was silent. He hugged me while I sat there crying. Hugging me tighter than he ever has. I felt a tear roll down his check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts on this chapter??


	6. I already know.

Peter's POV ( a few days later ) 

"Training. Great." I thought "it's not like I just spent 3 hours this morning working my ass off" 

My eyes felt heavy, as bots flew by shooting, and attacking. I needed sleep, desperately. I've been working non stop lately ever since I broke down in front of Danny. I just need to get my mind off all this. As far as my hand goes.. It feels worse. I can barely move most of my fingers, it's gotten more swollen and looks disgusting. Every time I shoot my webs, catch, throw or even touch something I feel a burning sensation and the most agonizing pain I've ever felt. It's pure torture, but at least I'm feeling something. 

I couldn't stay focused at all. My team kept saving my ass, and we aren't even fighting real villains. We're fighting robots! Embarrassing. I told, I'm not meant to be a leader. Out of nowhere my vision begun to blur. Black spots clouded my sight. I collapsed right then and there. My team came rushing to me. Shield agents ran in too. I could hear voices but everything was a blur. Luke helped me up, I gasped at the pain in my hand, nearly unbearable. I think he noticed. 

"I'm fine guys, just really tired." I squeezed out. 

Sam chimed in "hey Web-Head you can go sleep in my room, it's better than going all the way home." 

"It better be clean Sam" I chuckled. Watching Sam's reaction was priceless, he cursed under his breath and flew away like a rocket. I guess he's cleaning. The team ushered me to sit down. I then took off my mask too. Danny came and sat next to me. 

"Did you eat anything" he asked. How does he always know everything? Am I really making it this obvious..? Great. Another boring acting class here I come. 

"No.." I said ever so quietly, tears spilling out of my eyes. Danny nodded and rushed me out of the training centre before anyone noticed my tears. Danny walked me down to Sam's room where he was busy cleaning. Sam opened the door to a surprisingly clean room he has two beds, a ton of posters and video games and comics filled the room. 

Sam threw me a t-shirt and a pair of sweats. I put the sweats on In seconds, wearing spandex all the time is kinda uncomfortable. I hesitated with the shirt. It's not that I didn't want Sam to see me shirtless.. It's just the scars. Sam spoke up, laying on the other bed. "I already know Pete. " 

My heart dropped. "Kn-know what?" I gulped. 

"About the scars. I um.. Was on the shield computer and I found some clips and they were pretty bad." Sam said apologetic. "I'm s-" 

I cut Sam off by crying. I just started to cry. He's the one person I didn't want to know. He won't be able to love someone with scars.


	7. Menace.

Sams POV 

I told Peter I knew. I didn't know what else to do. I want to help him. I hate seeing him hurt like this. And it's getting harder not to notice his hand. It's so obvious it's killing him, he barley uses now. I think it's broken. But why hasn't he just gone to medical? Why put himself through so much pain? Don't even get me started on what happened today. It was just a typical training session, you fight some robots for 20 minutes then Fury yells at us on how we could've done better. Everyone was working together, kicking some robot ass. But Peter was sluggish, he just stood in the middle nearly getting hit a thousand times. Then he just collapsed. Everyone rushed over. He said he was fine just tired, yeah right.

He looked really tired, so I offered to let him sleep in my room. I have an extra bed anyways. I left to clean my room. It wasn't that dirty. Few shirts here, comics there. You know the usual. When Peter opened the door he was a bit shocked to see how clean it was. 

I gave Peter some sweats and a T-shirt knowing how uncomfortable our costumes can get. Trust me it's pretty bad. And yes, the clothing is clean. He put the sweats on no problem aside from a little bit of struggling with his hand. He hesitated with the shirt. And that's when I told him. Biggest mistake ever. 

I was about to apologize, but he started crying. I froze. I've never seen Peter cry. Then again I didn't know about this until a few days ago. I didn't say anything, or do anything. I'm so stupid. Peter grabbed the shirt, put it on and left. He claimed he needed some air. I let him go cool down. Besides I feel like an ass. 

Why did he leave? He knows I'm here for him right? God, I'm such an idiot. 

Peter's POV 

I left. I couldn't deal with Sam right now. He knows, he probably hates me now. Or doesn't want to see me. I just needed some space. 

I was sitting on top of the Helicarrier, everything was pretty peaceful until I heard JJJ's voice. "Spiderman is a menace! He can't protect the people of New York! He can barely save himself in a fight. The people of New York we need to protect ourselves, we can't put trust in someone who were pyjamas while fighting crime. Spiderman should've even be allowed to call himself a hero!-" 

Tears rolled down my cheeks. My heart was already broken before, now it's shattered. He has point. In fact he's right. I am a menace. I can't protect New York. I can't be trusted. I can't even save myself. 

I ran to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I slide down to my knees crying, sobbing and screaming. Everything was spinning around in my head. I needed it to go away. If even just for a minute. I needed the voices and thoughts to stop. 

I reach to grab my blade, covered in a dark crimson red. I've used this plenty of times. The simple act releases so much. It helps. Temporarily. It's my worst nightmare but I couldn't live without it.

I look at my wrists, Covered in scars. No one could love me now. No one would like someone with scars.. I took the blade and placed it on my skin. I watched ever so carefully as I dragged it across. Once, twice, three times, it goes on and on until I dropped the blade and started to cry harder than ever. I screamed at the top of my lungs "I can't take this anymore!" I continued to cry. 

I didn't know what else to do except cry. No one heard my screams of pain, no one even cared. Blood dripped from my arm down on the floor and started to pool. My knees and shirt were now soaking wet due to the crying. I just can't take this anymore. It's torture.


	8. I'm a mess

Peter's POV 

I've been crying for what feels like hours. I'm a mess. Dried blood covered the tiled floor. Tears stains were now visible on my cheeks. My head was still spinning, vision blurry. I feel like a volcano about to erupt, like I'm going to explode. I want to talk to Danny, but I'm too afraid. I've told him a lot but Not everything. I couldn't. It would break his heart, not even he could handle all this. I'm getting worse and nobody knows. Besides I can't put my thoughts into words. I don't even comprehend what's happening in my own head. At least Danny gets it... Or tries. Even if I talk to him for a just few hours, minutes or even days I can forget I'm not okay. 

I heard the door creak open. My vision was still blurry but I made out Danny. He couldn't see me like this. I didn't want him too. He didn't deserve this, I don't want to be a burden to him. No tears fell from my eyes, I think I ran out, Is that even possible? I stood up trying to get away, but my legs had other plans. I stood for a few moments before my leg started to quiver then back down I went. I put out my hands on instinct, of course landing right on the bad one. I screamed in pain, louder than ever before. I nearly passed out the pain was so bad. 

Danny rushed to my side and helped me up, and took me back to his room. He first attended to my hand. He grabbed some ice, and new bandages. This time the bandages were more stiff and they were a lot tighter. My eyes watered while he wrapped it. I guess it's worth it. Next, He began to clean and wrap my cuts. He didn't look grossed out, or scared. He looked sad, but is was barley noticeable. He's good at hiding his emotions and always remaining calm. I still wonder why he's always been understanding. He gets it... Everything. 

"Thanks Danny.. For everything." I told Danny as I hugged him. "I'm sorry.." A single tear rolled down my cheek. 

"One must not apologize for what he cannot control." Danny replied. I only half understood half of what he said, sometimes he can be a real fortune cookie. 

"Pete, you need to rest. Go sleep in Sam's room. I already told aunt may you're spending the night at my house." Danny told me. I thanked him and left.

No, I didn't want to face Sam but what other choice did I have? I'm exhausted. I looked down at my wrists feeling ashamed. My hand was covered in a white bandage, now so were my wrists. Here goes nothing.


	9. Fighting a war

Sam's POV 

After Peter stormed out I started to think about the past few days. How have I been so oblivious. Then signs were always there, I just didn't see them. None of us did. How am I supposed to help him? Does he even want my help..? 

I kept replaying the events of the day I showed the team those videos. Everyone was shocked, stunned, left speechless. Except Danny. He had a different look on his face. He looked scared, and I don't know he looked different then the rest. Like he's seen it before, or... He already knew. If he knew why didn't he tell us.. We all could've helped. 

My attention was moved to Peter when I heard the door open. His eyes were red and puffy, the tears had left light stains on his cheeks. He'd been crying. I shifted my gaze down and saw his wrists... Covered in white bandages. Seeing that shattered my heart. My mouth wouldn't close, I was in pure shock. This better be a dream, no.. A really bad nightmare. 

Peter continued to sit on the best across from mine pulling out his phone. I couldn't stand it anymore. 

"Why didn't you tell us Pete.." I asked wanting to know. 

Peter sighed and said "Sam sometimes I get so sad, and angry it gets hard to breath, so tell how am I supposed to talk about my demons when they are sitting on my lungs." 

They way he said it cut deep. It was harsh, and I could feel his pain in the air. Yet I pressed on. I should've just let it go. 

"But Peter look at all the positives.. Your amazing and-" Peter cut me off, standing up at this point. 

"Listen Sam, no matter how many compliments I get I will never be able to believe any of them. My mind won't let me. And yes, sometimes I wonder if I will ever be happy with who I am. I worry that if I hate myself everyone else will too, it makes me so paranoid. It's a constant cycle of insecurity, anxiety, and fear, and it's all destroying me. I feel so lost in my own head. Nowhere is safe anymore, my own body has gone to war against me and I'm losing the fight. I struggle everyday, And no matter who I'm with I feel alone, like no one cares," Peter yelled while He had tears steaming down his face. 

I asked ever so quietly "then why do you pretend to be okay.." 

He closed his eyes and simply said "I'm so broken I can physically feel pain, this isn't just being sad anymore. It's affecting my whole body." Peter took a deep breath and continued "It hurts but I'm used to it, and now I'm stuck wearing a smile that I don't believe in, when inside I feel like screaming. It's easier Sam, to lie then tell the whole world I slit my wrists to feel better.. " 

After a long silent pause he got up saying "Okay so there have it, you wanted to know.." 

Peter finished his rant and walked out, he poked his head back in the door and said one final thing "oh, and Sam that's not even all of it.. That's just the beginning." He managed to squeeze that out in between tears. Then he left. Leaving me to my thoughts. I don't want to know anymore. A single tear fell from my eyes.

I'm so sorry Pete.


	10. I'm not the only one

Peter's POV 

Tears streaming down my face, my hand was throbbing and my head spinning. I have to get out of here. I've disappointed enough people for one day. I was running down the hall one minute, and the next I was swinging through New York. I just needed to get away from everything. I needed to get away from Sam. 

I was going to my favourite place. The one place free of demons. I've never told anyone about this place except Danny. It's an old dock on the edge of the shore. It has a beautiful view. I could sit here for hours just starring at the endless ocean. From here it looks infinite. The sun was setting and it made everything look unreal, like something you would see in a movie. I pulled out my phone snapping a picture. I've always liked photography, it's a way to savour the few moments that are filled with pure happiness.

I heard footsteps behind me, I knew exactly who it was. "Danny how do you always find me?" I asked 

He chuckled "This time was because I know this is your favourite spot. Your 'safe zone'" He quoted me. 

Danny sat down next to me we talked about random things, Like we always do. We talked about Sam's embarrassing moments, villain's we've captured, and Aunt May's crazy adventures. We talked for so long the stars finally came out. Shining brighter than ever. 

"Danny.. I freaked our at Sam. I told him everything.." I looked down playing with my thumbs. "Why am I destroying myself.. W-why is everything so bad, why am I like this" I started to cry. 

"Look at the sky" Danny pointed to the stars. "Stars can't shine without darkness" 

Danny always knew what to say. He never pressured me into saying anything, never forced me to do anything. He just somehow always knew. Danny was always been there whether I liked it or not. Without him I'd probably be dead. So I took a deep breath and told him the truth, "D-Danny.. I can't take this anymore..I can't live this life anymore..I-I don't w-want to live.." I was full in sobbing now. I felt so ashamed and guilty saying that, but it's true. I can't take all of this anymore, it's too much to handle. 

Danny said nothing, he Just sat there. He turned to me rolled up his sleeves with hesitation and said "Neither did I." 

I was shocked. 

Danny had scars.


End file.
